Bite Me
by Songbird's Spirit
Summary: "You just don't know when to quit," I snapped, "Do you?" The man merely offered me a sly smirk full of sharp teeth, "I've been accused of worse." He said with a low tone, "But I have no intention of going against what I want for your sake." I glared back, "Monstrous abomination." He smiled, "I get that a lot too."
1. Chapter 1

**Bite Me**

**1**

**Summary: "You just don't know when to quit," I snapped, "Do you?" The man merely offered me a sly smirk full of sharp teeth, "I've been accused of worse." He said with a low tone, "But I have no intention of going against what I want for your sake." I glared back, "Monstrous abomination." He smiled, "I get that a lot too." **

**Full Summary: Penelope "Penny" Grande, many would say she was more fitted for Iscariot than she was the Hellsing Organization given her hatred for Vampires. But when one of her closest friends somewhat shamefully admits to carrying on a "complicated relationship of sorts" with a very specific vampire, much to her horror, can she shelve her pride and hatred, or will her anger and feelings of betrayal lead her to commit her own act of treachery that could very well tarnish The Hellsing Organization to the core?**

**Rating: T**

**A.N. will appear at the end of the chapter.**

**~o~**

Somewhere in the back of my mind, a small voice nagged at me, warning me…strongly advising against the glares I openly cast out to the rest of the crowd in the large ballroom. I knew listening to this little feeling would probably be best, but the presence of vampires in the room overruled my logic and presented me with a more appealing option.

_Screw…my…brain…_

I managed to glare hatefully at those in the room for a full six minutes before I was given a sharp and clearly annoyed flick to the ear, courtesy of the woman sitting behind me.

I spun around on the barstool to give my friend, Lua, an annoyed but lenient glare. Lua just returned the pointed look I gave her with an easygoing chuckle of her own. "You're going to give yourself wrinkles," she warned me with a warm smile.

"I am not." I muttered and lazily traced my finger around the tip of the wine glass in front of me.

It was still filled halfway with white wine.

"Of course you will," Lua said softly and then giggled, "Wait, scratch that, they've already begun to form." She said with a playfully grim tone, lightly poking my cheeks as she sipped her Bloody-Mary.

I swatted her hand aside halfheartedly, "Oh shut yer mouth."

"No wonder Jameson thinks you're thirty-two." Lua snickered.

I rolled my eyes, "Ha-ha…" I muttered.

"C'mon Penelope, enjoy yourself." Lua urged, "We're celebrating life. We survived the Nazi Zombie attack. The Queen is even here! This is a time to smile in public for a change."

"I smile," I argued.

"Rarely," Lua chuckled. "Besides, if Integra can smile," she said, gesturing to the head of Hellsing across the room that sported an easy smile, "You can too."

"Whatever." I sighed and took a sip of my white wine.

Just as I set my glass back down on the bar table a peppy vampire with platinum blonde hair came bouncing up to the table, "Can I get a blood bag for my Master?" she requested.

I scowled as she bumped up against me while leaning over the counter. Out of agitation, I shoved her aside. "Can a girl get some room?!" I snapped.

Seras stumbled away and stammered out an apology, "I-I am sorry…" She mumbled and gingerly took the blood bag that was offered.

"Filthy vampire…" I muttered under my breath.

Seras stiffened, "What did you say?" she asked slowly.

"Filthy…vampire…" I repeated as if speaking to a slow child.

Seras snarled at me, "I am not! I'm a full breed Vampire now!" She snapped.

"I wasn't referring to your former predicament as a half-bred vampire," I snickered derisively, "I hate you as a whole."

"Penelope," Lua shrieked, "What are you doing?!"

"Shut up Lua, I'm busy." I snapped.

"You really want to pick a fight with me right now? In the middle of a party no less," Seras growled in agitation.

"I'll fight you anytime." I snapped and got up from my chair to get in her face.

"Why you little-!" Seras snapped right back.

"Is there a problem?"

I scowled as Sir Integra came forward and glared at Seras and I.

"I apologize Sir Integra," Lua stepped forward, "It seems Penelope has had a bit too much to drink." She tried to convince the lady.

Integra cast a glance towards the wine glass, only half finished, that belonged to Penelope. "I see," she muttered, "Please take your friend off the premises…" she sighed, "And make sure she arrives home safely."

With a downcast look, Lua latched onto my arm and dragged me towards the door. "C'mon Penny, let's get out of here already."

"Lua…"

"Shut up, let's go."

**Tbc**

**Well, that's the first chapter. I know it's not very long, but next Friday's update is already typed up and ready at five pages long. Hopefully that makes up for the 617 words of story I've given this chapter.**

**Next chapter, Alucard appears. **

**Catcha' later **

**Songbird 0.o**


	2. Chapter 2

**Bite Me **

**2**

**Oh hey…a reader. Well if you made it to this chapter then please read this short little ditty. Okay, the title, Bite Me, is a play on words. It's more of a retort. It's something you yell in an argument. It means 'leave me alone' or 'do I look like I care' from what I've heard. **

**It's more of a symbol between Penelope and how she feels about a certain someone. **

**Speaking of which, I apologize if Alucard seems OOC…I'm still very new to Hellsing.**

* * *

**~o~ Penelope ~o~**

"I cannot believe you did that!" Lua snapped and half-heartedly swung her high heels at my head.

I awkwardly managed to dodge the swing and sighed, "I'm not apologizing for what I said," I muttered but gave her an apologetic look, "But I am sorry for getting you kicked out as well."

"You should be!" Lua snapped, "I don't know why I try to defend you sometimes." she sighed and let her hands swing limply at her sides, "Out of all the people you had to pick a fight with it had to be Seras."

"She's a vampire." I muttered.

"Damnit Penny!" Lua griped, "Enough with the whole anti-vampire spiel! I know your father wasn't on the best of terms because of what happened to _his _mother, but you honestly don't have to hold such an intense grudge!"

"Why can't you just take my side for once?!" I shouted back at her, "You're always against me! It's not like you're dating a vampire! It's not like you should care! What do you have to say about my side of this?!"

"…" Lua remained silent, having opened her mouth to retort until I mentioned the words 'dating' and 'vampire' in the same sentence.

My closest friend went very red, and looked away.

"Lua…" I said lowly and with an extra slowness, "Don't tell me you…"

"Eh…heh? Well…maybe…?" she mumbled trying to play it off as unimportant with a cute and embarrassed smile.

"What…the…fucking…hell Lua." I snarled, "WHY?!"

"Well, it's not like I planned it! It's a bit of a complicated thing!"

"Who?!"

"What?"

"Which vampire," I demanded.

"Alucard…" she said softly.

I went very still, angered at my closest friend.

"Why? How the fuck would you even-."

"Well it's not like I planned it!"

"Then explain to me how this could even happen!" I shouted, irate and annoyed beyond belief.

She fidgeted and eventually sighed, "Well…okay, so I overheard Alucard and Walter speaking with the major and they got onto the topic of Alcohol. Alucard mentioned that he was annoyed that one of his favorites was no longer on the market, S'volanic Crystal Sun. As it turns out, one of my great grandfathers, I forget how many greats; Alexander had a large stash of it because back when it was still being manufactured it was really popular. He died in World War I around the time the Brewery it was made in burned down. Nowadays it's apparently really valuable, but because my brother says we don't need the cash, for what reason I don't know, it kind of just sits in our basement. So, I brought a case to work and gave it to him the next time I saw him. We shared a bottle later that day, got to talking, and it just kind of snowballed from there."

"Snowballed?" I snapped questioningly through grit teeth.

She blushed furiously, "Well…eh…let's just say I recently spent a large sum of money replacing a specific piece of furniture that _we _broke." She said, giving me a meaningful look. "And for once that money wasn't for new parts to fix my crappy AC and Heating system."

She gave an awkward chuckle, referencing her immense problem with her home temperature system. However, I was far from amused.

"So what, you're dating now?"

"Well…I uh, I don't know actually." She mumbled, awkwardly scratching the back of her head.

I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arm suspiciously, "And what is that supposed to mean?" I growled.

"Well, I don't think we're dating." She tried to frantically explain, "It's more of a reoccurring 'friends with benefits' type of situation…I think."

I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose in annoyance, "Lua…you dense idiot! He'll end up breaking your heart." I warned trying to convince her in any way I could think of that this so called 'relationship' was a terrible thing to keep.

"It's a _physical_ relationship Penelope; don't _**even**_ think I'm unaware of where I stand." Lua said with an angered strictness.

"Since when are you the type to have _that _kind of relationship with anyone?!" I snapped.

Lua just sighed, sounding agitated, "Look, don't question me alright. It's not like you're never done anything really questionable."

I glared, "But this is Alucard we're talking about."

"I'm aware," Lua snapped, "Look, I'm calling a cab. I really don't feel like getting interrogated by my best friend on top of everything else." With that, she looked away and began digging through her purse for her phone.

I felt bad, but knew Lua well enough to understand now was the time to leave her be. Pressing her further would only anger her.

"Goodnight, Lua." I mumbled and turned to walk off.

"Yeah…you too Penelope." She replied with a muffled tone and finally pulled her phone out of her purse.

With a heavy yawn, I walked off, leaving my friend on the sidewalk with at least the comfort of knowing she'd be able to defend her ass from anyone idiotic enough to try and jump her at the moment.

* * *

**~o~ Lua ~o~**

_'I suppose I shouldn't have expected the cabs to run even now, four months after a Nazi Zombie war.' _I mentally laughed at myself.

_**'That's quite a large expectation for humanity, especially coming from you Lua." **_A familiar voice purred into my thoughts, effectively startling me.

"Alucard…?" I asked aloud and looked around.

"Quite a beautiful night isn't it?" The same deep voice came from beside me now.

I jumped a little as I found the powerful red-clad vampire standing close to my side on the sidewalk. "Yeah, could be better though…" I murmured after a moment or so.

A sharp white grin stretched across his lips, "How so?" he chuckled darkly, "Less broken debris from buildings littering the streets?" he guessed.

I smiled a bit, "That's a good guess, but not quite."

"Something more personal then," he guessed, a sly and knowing expression marring his features, effectively annoying me.

I grumbled a slew of curses under my breath, "I'd appreciate a warning before you go marching through my head." I glared.

"I didn't," he replied with a blank look, "It wasn't hard to overhear your conversation with your friend from where I was standing."

"Oh…" I trailed off, now embarrassed and bordering on humiliated.

"Your words from earlier, and I quote, "It's a _physical_ relationship Penelope; don't _**even**_ think I'm unaware of where I stand" especially caught my attention," he murmured with that dangerous laugh of his, "So…where do you stand then _Lua_?"

I was silent for a moment, "I think I'm in a position in which I can easily be replaced." I answered at last.

Silenced reined as we continued to walk, neither of us speaking aloud or otherwise.

"You shouldn't think so little of yourself." Alucard said at last, gazing upwards, "It's a bad trait to develop…" he warned.

"You're one to talk, considering cryptic speech patterns are also very bad to develop," I teased lightly. "Wouldn't you agree, Alucard?"

The No-Life King let a genuine-seeming smile full of fanged teeth show, "Watch your tongue, mortal. It would be quite a shame if was somehow injured…especially sometime before tomorrow night." He gave me a meaningful look and snickered, most likely at my blush.

"Shut up…" I mumbled.

He just snickered and then sighed, "Well, I must bid you a goodnight Lua." Alucard murmured, "Sleep well."

"You too…" I nodded as he faded into shadow.

And in the silence, I continued on to my apartment.

* * *

**Tbc**

**So~ how was it reader? Good, bad, lovely, atrocious? Please give some feedback if you feel up to it. May *Brownie Points* rain upon those who leave a review.**

**Ja ne later,**

**Songbird 0.o**


	3. Chapter 3

**Bite Me**

**3**

**Hello, hello! Back again! Sorry if the story isn't good; I'm not too sure in terms of what I should be giving the characters personality-wise. I've watched all the original Hellsing, but unfortunately I've been unable to watch Hellsing Ultimate due to Internet limitations. Limited knowledge sucks to a writer, am I right? If you have any tips please share. Don't be afraid to tell me if I'm doing something wrong.**

* * *

**~o~ Lua ~o~**

**The Next Morning**

"Damn," I moaned as a bright light filtered in through the open curtains, "I swore that I closed those last night."

"You did, I opened them."

I shrieked as I was suddenly lifted out of bed, my brown eyes meeting a striking pair of scarlet ones. I relaxed a little and sighed. "Jesus…" I muttered as Alucard set me down, "You scared me half to death."

"My apologies," He snickered and I lightly punched his arm.

"You are such an asshole." I mumbled sleepily and twisted to the side to check the clock. I turned back to Alucard, glaring at him with narrowed eyes, "Why in the blue fuck did you wake me up at five-thirty?"

He offered a toothy grin, "Why not? You seem like a morning person."

I blinked, "You were very mistaken," I grumbled and began gathering my day clothes so I could shower, "I almost feel the need to put a few bullets in you."

"It's not like your efforts would prove to do very much." He smirked.

"Shut up, I know." I muttered and stepped into the bathroom.

The shower was relaxing, awakening, and most of all uneventful. I stepped out of the tub and dried, dressing myself for the day in an outfit much like that of a normal office worker, minus the skirt, and without the high heels.

_'At least my job doesn't require formality __n'__on all days of the week,' _I mused thoughtfully as I pulled on a nice blue button up shirt, black dress slacks, and simple grey flats.

I unlocked the bathroom door, not that doors were much use against Vampires, and walked out into the living area that also shared my bedroom space whilst drying my hair with a towel.

"I guess the day for a skirt hasn't come to pass?" Alucard snickered.

I shot the red-eyed man a glare, "In your dreams." I smirked and walked into the kitchen.

He just replied with an amused chuckled as I walked around the corner to make breakfast. I managed to make toast and begin frying eggs in less than ten minutes which was a double plus to waking up early…even if an early rising hadn't been part of my day-plan.

"So what are you going to do about your friend?" Alucard asked from where he was now sitting across from my seat at the small dining table.

"Penelope? Why would I need to do anything about her?" I replied, a somewhat annoyed tone creeping into my words.

"She has a problem with vampires," he stated with a blunt tone, "Just thought you should know."

"I'm aware of her…distastes." I muttered, "But do you expect me to do something about it?"

"I don't expect _anything _out of you. You aren't my underling." He smirked, "But I did assume you would be a bit annoyed with her."

"I was," I admitted, "But I'm not for now. If she feels the need to bring it up then we'll speak about it; but until then, it won't be an issue."

"Can you be sure of that?" he asked with a doubtful tone.

I glared at him, "Look, just drop it already!" I snapped and pounded my fist against the countertop, effectively getting his attention, "Penny has been my friend for a long time. She's always respected my decisions. Sure she's questioned my choices before, thinking I'd lost my mind, but all friends do that." I scowled and sat down across from him, "But I don't expect her to react to…us…much different than any other thing I've told her. It'll be fine! So stop pestering me about it!"

Shoveling in a spoonful of fried eggs, spoonfull I chewed away my frustrations. Alucard remained silent, simply watching me eat.

"If I offered to turn you into a vampire, would you accept?" Alucard asked, sounding genuinely curious.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but no. I probably wouldn't ever accept that offer." I replied, shrugging somewhat indifferently.

"Why not?" he pressed further, giving me his undivided attention.

"For a number of reasons," I mused aloud, "Realistically speaking I'd probably give some kind of practical answer such as the fact you kind of "burned" my V-card."

I paused, appreciating the sound of the laugh that got out of him.

"But other than that, truthfully speaking I'd say because some day I do want to grow old," I took a bite of toast as I thought, "I will end up dying one way or another, hopefully not soon though."

Silence reined between us for a while; Alucard remained quiet instead of replying.

"Why do you ask?" I asked him a minute or so later.

"Out of curiosity," He answered, "You…puzzle me sometimes."

I rolled my eyes and finished my breakfast in silence.

* * *

**~o~ 6:30 PM ~o~ Penelope ~o~**

I ignored the stares tossed my way as I made my way down the corridor of the Management Hall in Hellsing Manor. Normally the guards didn't intermingle with those from the "paper-pushers" department.

However, Lua worked here, so I didn't have much of a choice as I lugged my uniform-clad self down the hall. I rapped my knuckles on the door leading into her small office when I got there and waited. After a few seconds with no reply I tried the knob only to find that the door was locked.

"She left early."

I jumped at the sudden blurt of words, reflexively jerking my hand back to clutch my gun, and turned to glare at whoever had decided it was a "brilliant" idea to sneak up behind me.

"What?" I scowled.

The girl was small and somewhat petite, but the bright red eyed coupled with the unnatural intensity to her peach-colored hair told of her monstrous strength.

She looked incredibly nervous, "Sh…she left to speak with Sir Integra; you are Penny-."

"Penelope," I cut her off, glaring.

"W-what?"

"Only Lua calls me Penny. I don't know you, nor do I intend to get to know you." I replied flatly, "So if you could, _never_ call me Penny."

The vampire blinked, shocked silent by the icy words. Quickly pointing her gaze to the floor, she spoke up once more.

"A-alright," she mumbled, "Well, I…I'm Nora." She blurted timidly and suddenly spun on her heels.

I was a little surprised when she ran straight at the wall; but it lessened a bit when she ran _through _it.

_'So she can phase like Alucard.' _My subconscious noted as a slight pang of guilt burned in my chest for being so harsh on someone so jumpy and small.

Vampire or not, yelling at naturally nervous and easily overwhelmed people wasn't something I actually _enjoyed_.

_'I'll wait for her outside.' _I decided and jogged back down the way I had come.

I'd simply meet Lua at the front gates of Hellsing Manor.

* * *

**~o~**

**HA! I'm on time! Success!**

**Well, that's chapter 3, thank you for reading! Also, thank you to those that reviewed! All of you rock! Well, till' next Friday!**

**Songbird 0.o**


	4. Author's Note

Okay, just to be clear I I have not given up on the story.

Currently my computer is without any virus protection, and the chapter is written but it is on my computer. Since I run the risk of getting malware from the Internet I am posting this authors note from my phone.

But I assure you the next chapter is written and will be posted in place of this authors note the moment my computer is updated with virus protection.


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